Indeed, in rejecting the lecture-based classes of the mid-20th century, schools have created classrooms that demand active participation and collaboration. Research conducted at Southeastern University in 2022, which examines the relationship between
student temperament and teacher perception, found that these types of classrooms can produce environments in which “introverted students may find themselves being asked to behave in ways inconsistent with their personality type and without adequate time for processing and reflection.”

Class design is just a symptom of a more entrenched, more insidious problem. According to Cain, “the vast majority of teachers report believing that the ideal student is an extrovert…even though introverts actually get better grades and are more knowledgeable, according to research.”

That belief not only unfairly penalizes introverts – it also doesn’t produce the best outcomes in classrooms. Heidi Kasevich, the visionary behind the Quiet Education movement, said in a conversation with R.E.A.L.® founder Liza Garonzik that “research shows that in a team of six to eight, you have three people doing 70% of the talking. If you translate that into the way we typically assess for classroom participation, which is based on quantity rather than quality of speech, then we’re really leaving behind a third to half of our student population.”

Kasevich explains, though, that this isn’t an intentional slight: “It’s inadvertent. I don’t think there are any teachers out there who are trying to wage war on the introverts. It’s just that the ‘extrovert ideal’ became embedded in school life.”

The Extrovert Ideal and In-Class Belonging

Teaching in ways that align with such an “extrovert ideal” does not engender a sense of belonging for introverts, who may feel anxious and drained when they come to class – particularly to classes where they’re expected to participate vocally. They may not
feel that their way of thinking and learning belongs in the classroom. As a result, they may not find the opportunity to develop and share their thoughts and opinions, and extroverted students may not realize the commensurate opportunity to benefit from
those perspectives.

A 2020 study of students across Finland found a correlation between introverts with high social engagement and higher self-esteem. “Our results implied that introverts should be given extra support when they encounter group work in school,” concluded the researchers.

“Introverts are deep, reflective thinkers,” says Cain. “They’re careful thinkers. They come up with insights that others don’t just by sitting and thinking things through rather than verbalizing ideas right away…In the company of introverts, extroverts feel permission to be themselves and to talk more deeply, while introverts find that extroverts bring them into a more carefree and lighthearted zone.”

Kasevich concurs with this thinking. “The introvert is taking the time to really think and then, later on, if they believe the space is safe enough, the introvert will be able to vocalize their thoughts,” she says.

A study exploring the differences in argumentation style between introverted and extroverted students found “striking” differences between the two personality types: introverted students typically preferred a “co-constructive” argumentation style, whereas conflictual argumentation was more strongly associated with extroverts. “It is important to note that unlike the extroverts, the relatively more introverted students did not rigidly adhere to different sides of the argument and attempt to win others over to their side,” explains E. Michael Nussbaum, the author of the study. “Rather, the introverts worked together to build and critique solutions” (Nussbaum, 2002).”

Learning from Each Other

In class and in life, extroverts will need the ability to work collaboratively with others toward a solution, as well as the skill of debating and defending their own ideas. Truly, both types of students have important lessons to learn from the other’s learning styles.

Developing the skill of co-constructive argumentation is important for extroverts as well as introverts. Today’s typical classroom, though, doesn’t create the ideal space for the sustained, multifaceted growth of both introverts and extroverts. As a result, teachers
are constantly writing comments like: “I wish we heard your voice more often!” to their introverted students and “While I love hearing your ideas, I hope that in the next discussion you can leave space for others” to their extroverted ones. These two types of
comments don’t acknowledge specific tactical moves students can make to engage with their classmates in discussion – which would be part of a carefully-designed discussion learning environment.

So the question for educators is: how can we design class discussion to engage, challenge, and celebrate extroverts and introverts alike? We need to create classrooms that explicitly teach today’s students to speak — and to listen.

Interested in learning more of our thoughts about how and why we need to create these types of classrooms in order to engage and empower all types of learners? Read our whitepaper: Designing Discussions Where Extroverts Practice Listening and Introverts Practice Talking.

At R.E.A.L.®, we know that in today’s loud, distracted, self-centered world, listening needs to be explicitly taught and practiced in elementary, middle, and high school classrooms – and we have developed frameworks to do exactly that. What does it look like to teach listening? Let’s zoom in on middle school. 

Here are three skills that are important – and challenging – for today’s middle schoolers to master. 

1. Listening to Yourself

Listening to self is a critical first step in developing the skills that will enable students to expand their listening skills and become competent, respectful listeners in school and life. When students learn to listen to themselves, they practice key traits of self-awareness and self-regulation. They learn to notice what they are thinking, feeling, and doing – and use their analysis to make intentional choices about their behavior. The biggest challenges to listening to yourself for middle schoolers? Self-regulation and multi-tasking. 

The technology with which today’s middle schoolers interact on a daily basis is designed to minimize self-regulation. Tech like social media and online games are subject to persuasive design, which intentionally attempts to seize attention and interrupt self-regulation. The ethics of that type of design for kid-facing products are hotly debated, but that debate has not, to date, prevented kids from utilizing tools and tech that make it hard for them to listen to their own internal dialogue and regulate their own behaviors.

Similarly the fast-paced, frenetic world created by technology has led to constant multi-tasking, and a sense of discomfort with quiet and solitude. This means that for some kids, listening to themselves is actually stressful and anxiety-producing. Finally, a screen-bound world has made it harder to parse body language and non-verbal cues that increase self-awareness. The result is a generation of students who may not be very comfortable or familiar with the acts of self-awareness and self-regulation. 

2. Listening to Adults 

In order for learning to happen, it’s essential for students to listen to the adults with whom they interact on a daily basis. That can look like listening to a teacher’s instructions during class, listening to a coach at practice after school, or listening to a parent at dinner. As any teacher, coach, or parent knows, however, actually getting teens to listen can be just as hard as it is important. 

When we break down the skill of listening to adults for middle schoolers, we explain that this skill is about showing respect and gathering information. Attentive listening demonstrates respect for the adults in students’ lives who are taking time to instruct them, and it also enables students to gain information they need to be successful. 

Listening to adults doesn’t mean being silent or acquiescing to an instructor’s mandates. We teach kids that listening to teachers, coaches, and other adults doesn’t mean they can’t ask questions or disagree – but it does mean they first need to listen to the adult’s perspective and truly understand what’s being asked. Often, these learning leaders have information the student doesn’t! 

Listening to learning leaders is particularly challenging for Gen-Z students. Many teens in this demographic find in-person auditory comprehension difficult: indeed, 59% of Gen-Z-ers elect to use subtitles when they watch videos. It can be hard to absorb and retain content during a real-time, unsubtitled, in-person conversation. 

What’s more, today’s students have shorter attention spans than those of the preceding generations. Capturing – and keeping – teens’ attention is thus a much taller order for today’s learning leaders. 

Finally, a pervasive culture of individualism threatens this particular listening skill. There is a sense among Gen-Z students that doing as someone asks may undermine your authentic self – which, in turn, can limit students’ interest in or ability to listen well.

3. Listening to Peers

Listening is a hallmark of any relationship. It’s essential in understanding feedback from teachers, in understanding a friend’s perspective, and in demonstrating empathy to someone who needs help. In class, a dynamic and insightful discussion simply cannot happen if classmates cannot listen to each other effectively and respectfully. 

The R.E.A.L.® program teaches middle school students that listening to their peers is about building strong relationships with friends and classmates. That doesn’t mean peers can’t disagree – it just means they listen to one another respectfully before offering their own perspective. We teach students that the ability to make someone else – whether a best friend or an acquaintance in your class discussion group – feel heard is a superpower.

In truth, though, listening to their peers is particularly difficult for Gen-Z students. Today’s kids spend more time online than they do communicating in person – and as a result, every face-to-face interaction feels higher stakes and, thus, more stressful. 

Plus, the rise of misinformation, disinformation, and polarization has led to a generation-wide tendency to question rather than trust by default. Today’s culture has normalized not listening to opinions you disagree with, and it’s typified responding in a disrespectful way, with name-calling, dismissal, or cancellation.

It’s (Historically) Hard to Learn to Listen…But Listening Is Teachable

Poor listening skills have long been a hallmark of the stereotypical teenager. Today’s teens, though, are facing unprecedented challenges that threaten to erode these foundational skills. That’s concerning – not just for the parents and teachers who struggle to make breakthroughs with their Gen-Z charges, but for the friendships and inner lives of Gen-Zers themselves. 

The good news is that listening is a skill that can – and must! – be taught. At R.E.A.L.®, we train teachers both to understand the various levels of listening their students must encounter on a daily basis and to instruct them in ways to become better listeners to themselves, to adults, and to their peers.

Ready to learn more about howto teach the important skill of listening? Reach out to our team today.

Yet, as teachers know too well: engaging introverts and extroverts in class discussion can be a challenge. Our research and methods show that it’s possible — and students see the impact immediately.

In this whitepaper, we examine:

• Current research on how introverted and extroverted students learn
• How the “typical” classroom works against introverts
• Why it’s important for students of all temperaments to learn to speak — and listen
• How R.E.A.L.® Discussion helps build skills and a sense of belonging for introverts and extroverts — at the same time!

Read on to learn more.

An AI revolution, characterized by increased interactions between humans and machines. In an AI-dominated world, do students still need to learn how to have in-person conversations with other humans?

Our answer: a resounding yes.

In this whitepaper, we examine:

• What AI can do — and how it can help augment class discussions
• What AI can’t do — and how an over-reliance on it can be detrimental
• The true (and new!) purpose of class discussion in this brave new world

Read on to learn more.

We have. We see that today’s teens are connecting with each other, certainly — they spend hours interacting with one another from behind the comfort (and, at times, the agony) of their screens. Yet when kids are off-screen, together, they struggle to talk — and listen.

In this whitepaper, we:

• Explore Gen Z’s current communication habits and examine how they relate to wellbeing
• Examine the mental state of today’s teens
• Consider how explicitly teaching in-person communication skills in schools could help today’s students
• Discuss the role — and power! — teachers can have in reversing this teen “Communication Crisis”

Read on to learn more.

In our view, discussion skills are democracy skills – and it’s essential that we endow students with the foundational skills they’ll need to be citizens of the world.

We recently came across a compelling, comprehensive, easy-to-remember framework for skills that uphold civil discourse. John French, incoming High School Director at St. George’s Episcopal School in Milner, Georgia, created the SAFE framework, which champions the cultivation of Self-awareness, Active listening, Fact-checking, and Empathy in today’s students.

Read on to learn more.  

SAFE: Skills that Uphold Civil Discourse

by John French

Self-awareness: Former Meet the Press anchor Tim Russert used to say that the best way to interview a given subject is to take on the opposite opinions and work back at them from there. The result was usually collegial, if combative (John McCain once playfully compared it to an interrogation in the Hanoi Hilton), question-and-answer sessions. What is needed for true self-awareness is to use Russert’s strategy in evaluating one’s own biases. Students must be able to critically examine the various factors that have contributed to their own predispositions. Being able to evaluate the biases inherent in one’s own perceptions of how the world should be allows one to not only be empathetic towards others but also to enhance and refine one’s own debate skills. Self-awareness also means recognizing when one needs to pause, if only briefly, before responding. This is also a good opportunity to clarify (thus demonstrating active listening) that one understands their counterpart correctly.

Active Listening: In a deleted scene from the 1994 film Pulp Fiction, Mia Wallace (played by Uma Thurman) asks Vincent Vega (John Travolta) “Do you listen or wait to talk?” Vega responds “I wait to talk, but I’m trying to listen.” (1) What they were really talking about is the difference between different types of listening. Passive listeners merely wait to talk and pounce at the opportunity to get their own opinion heard. These opinions are usually immutable and not subject to change based on what others have said. Active listening means making a sincere effort to discern as much value as possible from hearing the ideas of others. It is predicated on one assuming the best intentions of others and an honest intention to reflect upon and understand the speaker’s points. The ability to then accurately paraphrase the speaker’s words – and to accept correction from the speaker if incorrect – is crucial to successful active listening. Good active listeners ruminate upon what they hear and analyze both its strengths and weaknesses, resisting the urge to ambush, distort, and/or ascribe motive to the arguments or parts of arguments with which they disagree.

Fact-checking: Former four-term New York Senator Daniel Patrick Moynihan remarked once that “Everyone is entitled to his own opinion but not his own facts.” The editor of Senator Moynihan’s collected letters, Steven Weisman, commented that Moynihan’s words constituted “one of many comments that entered political lore and that, if applied, would make for a healthier national discourse today.” (2) Both are correct. It is more difficult than ever to discern fact from opinion. Differentiating between the talking points on cable news networks and those of political parties or special interests can be quite difficult. Exacerbated by technology and its own fragmentation, the failures of the fourth estate have left the void of a basic set of facts upon which civil discourse must be based. Clicks drive newsroom decisions. Instead of laying out the facts for the consumers of news to draw their own conclusions, various media outlets simply reaffirm to small percentages of the population everything it already believes. The consequences of this have been laid bare for all to see. In order to have a substantive conversation, truth and facts matter. Being prepared with data and appropriate evidence to back up one’s assertions is essential. In order to solve the enormous problems that we have, we must be able to see their existence, even when they tell us something at odds with our perception. This is a cornerstone of academic debate and honesty. Perceptions and conclusions can and must evolve as facts and data emerge. As John Adams famously declared, “Facts are stubborn things, and whatever may be our wishes, our inclinations, or the dictates of our passion, they cannot alter the state of facts and evidence.” (3)

Empathy: Legendary film critic Roger Ebert once said “I believe empathy is the most essential quality of civilization.” (4) Given what passes for debate and discourse in this country at the moment, it is difficult to disagree. We don’t all, and shouldn’t all, have the same opinion on everything. Variety is the spice of life, so the old cliche goes. It is crucial that we understand and value the views and feelings of our friends and colleagues. It is essential to productive discussion. As students and teachers, we must assume the best intentions of others. Mutual respect is essential to achieving the empathy necessary to have meaningful intellectual debates and civil discourse. Being able to step outside one’s own biases and see an issue from another’s point of view not only makes for a more collaborative and collegial classroom experience but also sharpens their own critical thinking skills in the process.

1. Pulp Fiction (deleted scene), directed by Quentin Tarantino (Miramax Films, 1994).
2. Moynihan and Weisman quoted in Lindsey Bever, “This GOP Senator just attributed a well-known liberal quote to Ronald Reagan,” Washington Post, March 15, 2017.
3. John Adams quoted in Massachusetts Business Alliance for Education, https://www.mbae.org/facts-are-stubborn-things/.
4. Roger Ebert quoted by Jon Terbush in “Roger Ebert’s most memorable quotes on life, death, and the movies,” The Week, January 8, 2015.

Whatever they’re called, members of the generation currently ascending into adulthood are often characterized by their affinity for and reliance on technology. This makes sense: born sometime between the late 90s and early 2010s, members of Gen Z are the first to have grown up in a fully connected world. 

That “digital nativity” has affected their worldview, and it has led to myriad assumptions, hot takes, and misconceptions from older generations about the ways in which Gen Z communicates. 

It’s important for anyone interacting with Gen Z – whether at home, at work, or in the classroom – to understand the communication-related preferences and frustrations of this generation. We tapped three R.E.A.L. team members – all current college undergraduates and card-carrying “Zoomers” – and asked them: what do you wish “adults” knew about how Gen Z-ers communicate?

Here’s what we learned.

*Note: the views expressed herein are those of the R.E.A.L. team members only and do not claim to speak for the generation at large

Gen Z-ers frequently use text-based and social media to communicate, but that’s not necessarily their preference.

Our team members agreed: text-based communication channels are often the easiest, most efficient ways to communicate. “I most often use text to communicate with my friends and family when I’m not with them in person,” says Social Media Intern Julia Romero. “With coworkers, I also primarily use text or text equivalent applications like GroupMe.” Similarly, Intern Program Director Rose Kiefer mostly uses iMessage, email, Snapchat, Instagram, Slack, Zoom, and LinkedIn, and Special Projects Intern Francesca Chirco communicates with friends mostly via text message, FaceTime, or phone calls. 

“I prefer to talk in-person,” says Francesca. “If that isn’t possible, I prefer FaceTime or a phone call. I think that when you can’t hear the way people are speaking to you, a lot can get lost in a text.”

Julia, too, prefers in-person conversations. “It depends on the situation,” she explains. “In-person is my first choice, but sometimes when my social battery runs out I would rather use other forms of communication.” For Julia, these other forms of communication typically include text or email. “I prefer text over other social media platforms like Snapchat with my friends,” she says. “When it comes to more professional conversations, I do admit that I would rather email my professors for an answer rather than attend their office hours in-person.”

In-person discussions are refreshing after years on Zoom

It may not come as a surprise that our interns all enjoy communicating in-person. 

“I love in-person discussions,” says Franesca. “I think they are more productive in getting things done, and it also makes people more respectful of each other, as they are speaking directly to someone instead of to a screen.”

According to Rose, Gen Z-ers crave the connection in-person conversations provide. “I’ve witnessed some of my hybrid discussion-based courses thrive in person and struggle via Zoom,” she says. “I think the older half of Gen-Z is used to an in-person environment, so [after having] had to go online for nearly three years, I am confident in saying that a lot of us are happy to be in-person to communicate whenever possible.” 

I am confident in saying that a lot of us are happy to be in-person to communicate whenever possible.

– Rose Kiefer, R.E.A.L. Intern Program Director

Grade school doesn’t necessarily prepare Gen Z-ers well for in-person discussions

While Gen Z may be happy to communicate in person, doing so may at times be uncomfortable, unnerving, or down-right anxiety-provoking. “In high school, in-person discussions made me feel very anxious,” says Julia. “I was never confident enough in my own opinion to feel comfortable sharing it with my other classmates.” 

For both Julia and Francesca, discussion skills were not necessarily taught; rather, they were skills that each learned on her own. 

“I went to a public high school that was great for my area, but which focused less on learning tangible communication skills and more on getting through core curriculum,” says Francesca. “Many of the skills that I learned about in-person discussions I learned from my extra-curricular activities and from my parents.”

Many of the skills that I learned about in-person discussions I learned from my extra-curricular activities and from my parents.

– Francesca Chirco, R.E.A.L. Special Projects Intern

Julia had a similar experience. “I do think that high school prepared me in terms of knowing what I needed to do to have a productive conversation, but it was up to me to build the self-confidence to speak up in class,” she says. “I think the majority of the change between my anxiety to speak in high school discussions vs. my comfort in the classroom now has been dependent on my own personal evolution.”

Older generations don’t always understand how and why Gen Z-ers communicate the way they do

When reflecting on the misconceptions older generations might have about their communication skills and preferences, each of our team members painted a common picture of the disconnect between the perceived tech-savvy Gen Z-er and reality. 

“I think many ‘older folks’ believe that we don’t want to communicate or have in-person discussions,” says Francesca. “But that’s not true. It is just increasingly hard to do so, as more people switch over [to digital media[ and don’t have the skills [for in-person conversations] readily available. It is much easier to send a text or a snapchat, especially when it is a hard or controversial topic one is discussing.”

“I think a lot of older folks believe we are on our phones and devices way too much, and that we don’t converse enough in-person,” agrees Julia. “The difference is that a lot of the time we are on our phones, we are in fact communicating with others, even in more widespread ways than they would expect.” 

Indeed, Julia sees value in the breadth of communication channels and tactics available to her and her peers. “My generation has come to be known for our passion and drive for certain social movements,” she says. “We have adapted to have conversations on a much wider scale than before. I wish ‘adults’ knew that most of us do agree that in-person conversations are the most productive form of communication, but that social media and our phone activities have given us a wider audience to communicate with. We’re able to communicate with people across the world with different perspectives and learn many different things that could not be done with just in-person conversations.”

My generation has come to be known for our passion and drive for certain social movements. We have adapted to have conversations on a much wider scale than before.

Julia Romero, R.E.A.L. Social Media Intern

As they’ve learned to interact with one another digitally, Gen Z has developed its own set of norms and niceties that dictate social interactions. “I’ve found parents and teachers don’t understand the tone of how Gen-Z communicates online,” she says. 

Gen Z-ers don’t think in-person communication is going anywhere

While Gen Z-ers likely won’t spend any less time on their phones or computers any time soon, our interns agreed on something else: that in-person communication and the value it offers isn’t going anywhere. 

“As the world continues to evolve and technology becomes an even stronger force, we cannot forget the power and magic of in-person, true discussions,” says Francesca. “There is nothing comparable to speaking to someone face-to-face to catch up, solve an issue, or learn from each other.”

Julia agrees. “I do think that current young people and future generations cannot forget the power of in-person communication,” she says. “Being able to communicate your ideas effectively to another person is extremely important in every aspect of life. While online and virtual communication is powerful on a large scale, it cannot replace strong interpersonal relationships with others.”